Monkey-man

2 Jan

He’s not a chicken, but…

This is my monkey-man, my newest toy. I went to the tubby-store for a bath (my family washes me themselves at a self-wash dog bathing place) and while we were waiting some other ladies dog knocked some toys off the shelf. This toy came skittering toward me, so I pounced. They took it away from me (which was rude) because they said I had juuust gotten a new chicken (but it had been 4 days), so I got hauled into a tub and the monkey was forgotten as I realized I could play with the water coming out of the hose.

Sparkling and clean, we went to the counter to pay and the guy behind the counter handed me my monkey toy – the lady whose dog knocked it toward me had bought it for me because it was the day before Christmas Eve and she thought I should have it (because I’m so cute).

I was so excited that I carried it all the way out to the car, squeaked it the entire drive and carried it in the house to squeak more!

*happy sigh* I love my new money-man.
Happy New Year to Everyone!

 

 

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Love

4 Dec

Dis is my hippo and I loves to snuggle my hippo.

Today was a busy, busy day. I got to go on errands. To the bank, to starbucks (twice!), to the park and to pick up photos from walgreens and pizza for dinner. Well, not my dinner, but as soon as we were home I ran through my routine of tricks (speak, roll over, play dead, shake) and earned myself a bite of crust. Mmm, I loves pizza crusts.

Sorry I’ve been away. I should be back more often now.

I’s back!

9 Aug

Ohmygosh, I had so much fun! I was so nervous on Friday morning when my family woke up and started loading things into the car. As soon as I saw suitcases I knew they weren’t going to ‘do errands’ so I curled up on the couch to pout and watch them pass by back and forth.

When I saw my pink victoria’s secret bag go to the car, instead of out the backdoor to the neighbors house, then I started to have a little hope. I so was so super, excited, happy when I go to go out to the car and found a little spot for me on the back seat (with my blanket and my stuffed giraffe for a pillow).

It was a long three hours to the beach cabin, but once we got there it was so cool! It has a fenced yard so I could be let loose to explore and piss on any plant I wanted. I’m not very lady-like and sometimes I like to lift my leg like a boy to pee on a post, or back my ass up a tree to drop a load. I’m just classy like that.

But overall my favorite place was the beach. The waves were like a giant sprinkler, splashing me in the face while I barked and growled and snapped at anything floating around me.

The first day on the beach I carried this shell up and down the whooooole beach. But it took me about ten minutes to work up the courage to pick it up.

 

Hi! Here is me exploring on the driftwood.

I was barking at all the water. I spent so much time in the water that they had to drag me out (I did have a long llead on when I played in the water so I wouldn’t get swept away). By the time we got to the cabin I had to take a warm tubby to get the sand off and then curl up on my chair by the fire to warm up.

 

By the last night, I was so exhausted that I was just content to sit and watch things on the beach go by. The waves, the birds and a boat in the distance.

Love and Squeaky Chicken Crotches. ❤

 

I has a nervous.

4 Aug

My family keeps talking about going to ‘the beach’ and while it sounds vaguely familiar, but I’m not sure if I like it or not. And now that the suitcases are out and things are going in, it makes me even more nervous. I have a pink Victoria’s Secret bag and they’ve put some of my things in it, and keep telling me ‘blah blah blah, the beach’ but they usually bring that bag when I go spend a few days with Jo (my favorite-st neighbor lady).

So all day today I’ve been up in everybody’s business because I am so worried. I don’t want them to forget about me. So I was helping in the kitchen as people were trying to make breakfast – but then they shouted at me for always being underfoot. Then I was trying to help out in the garden, but kept getting in the way (and carrying the sprinkler around) so then I was put in the house.

Hopefully the next time you’ll hear from me, it won’t be from the neighbor-lady’s house.

omgggg

26 Jul

Monkey-man

I wasn’t going to post anything for a few days, don’t want to seem too chatty. But my mommy bought me a new toy today (and she hardly ever buys me new toys, usually the girl does, and this is why I check her purse daily). This is monkey-man. And he squeaks. Loudly. I was so excited that after i drank some water (because rubber or plastic or whatever-the-hell it’s made out of makes my mouth a little dry) I got all worked up again and spit up on the floor. Oops.

I chewed him all over the family room, and took him outside to see the backyard.   I also put him back in the bag, because plastic bags make lots of noise and the more noise I can make, the happier I am. He is currently perched on the windowsill with a view of the backyard as I look out over my kingdom.

Also, my monkey has a big crotch which I like to carry him around by. Mm, squeaky crotch.

It’s no chicken, but…

24 Jul

There aren’t many things (if any) that I love more than a new chicken…. but water is high on the list.

Unlike the rest of the US, the Seattle-area has had an unusually cool ‘summer’ – however, today we reached a scorching 83’F (roughly 28.5C) and although it doesn’t sound like much, the humidity makes it bordering on miserable for this poor pup. But I’ve discovered that if I annoy my family and then run out back like I have something I must show them, I can get one of their lazy asses outside. If I look real cute and jump in circles around the hose I can even get them to turn it on. I must’ve been real cute today – they even put the sprinkler head on for meeee!

*tap tap* Is this thing on?

They shout at me to ‘be gentle’ but can’t they see that I’m just trying to water the lawn? I am very gentle with my teeth – all I want to do is carry it around the lawn. And bark at it when the water doesn’t come out fast enough. And while I enjoy having an audience while I play, I don’t mind playing by myself as long as the water is running. In fact, I spent an hour outside alone, moving the sprinkler all over the yard today, only running in to rub my face all over the sofa (sometimes the water spray gives me the sneezies).

Then, because it was hot and we were all cranky without having an A/C in the house, my mom and girl took me for a ride in the car. We did some ‘errands’ whatever that means and then went to Starbucks where I get a bit of whipped cream. It’s my favorite.

So I hope that everyone in the rest of the country is staying cool. We’re supposed to dip down to the low-70’s the rest of the week which means it’ll be cool enough at night to curl up beside the legs of one of my favorite humans.

Time to go patrol the yard for rats before I’m called in for bed.

-woof.

Hello!

22 Jul

Just a little welcome to my home on the interwebs. I’m a five year old Jack Russell mix (i.e. a fluffy little shit, as my people like to call me). I’m obsessed with squeaky toys of all kind, though I am esp. infatuated in love with squeaky chickens. At last count, I have 23 chickens and know *most* of them by name.

My favorites

My other love is my pink hippo, but more on him later – I think I hear the UPS truck outside. Did someone order me a new chicken?